You may be thinking, “Why is he acting like  such a jerk?”  You might also be speculating what you can do to stop this relationship mess, right now!!”

1-    First, be honest… you are feeling insulted because you think he should already know that this behavior is unacceptable. But the truth is he doesn’t know how deeply this rudeness, this unkind action, these insensitive words have gotten under your skin!

2-    Teach him how we want him to behave with you.  Have clearly defined boundaries and expectations… Have standards.  The trick is to speak in support of yourself as you let him save face. Yes, I know he is wrong; he is behaving badly!  But do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

3-    Understand that when a healthy man feels attacked, he will meet force with force; then you have a battle on your hands, a war you can’t win.  Reframe your perception of the situation. Instead of seething, think silently, “This man obviously needs more information.”  Then be fearlessly vulnerable, as you say, in a calm, soft voice…

  • That hurt me and that’s not OK… or
  • I’m not comfortable with unkindness… or
  • This conversation is not going in a direction I want to go in

… so I’m going into another room for 15 minutes.  I need to cool off.

Note You are not telling him what to do, not telling him he is wrong.  You are taking responsibility for your own feelings. 

When you return to the room after 15 minutes, you just might find he has suddenly become a much nicer manyou may see that he has corrected his own behavior.  Don’t cross your arms and stay mad!  Don’t go back into the downbeat mood.  After all you have just gotten what you wanted didn’t you?  So Enjoy!

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