Marlene is a strong, successful business woman.  In the boardroom, she knows how to make them listen… but at home her magic powers are gone?  Marlene feels hurt, horrible inside.  Solving problems is her specialty, but she has no answers here.  She stuffs her bad feelings and hopes against hope that something will change…. embarrassed to admit how difficult and unnerving her relationship has become.  Marlene longs for that easy-breezy Sunday morning kind of love, unrushed and unfettered, filled with joy and expectation.

Can you relate to Marlene?  Do you live with an uncomfortable relationship that you sweep under the rug and try to justify?  Are you stuffing it, ready to quit and likely to leave?  That’s not how it’s supposed to be!  Love is not meant to hurt.

Here’s a blunt truth about men.  Men compartmentalize!  They have the ability to see sexual connection and emotional connection as two different experiences… two different feelings, encounters, occurrences.  The challenge for any woman who wants a committed relationship with a man is to connect those two experiences in the mind of her man and maintain that connection over time.

So, how do you do that?  How do you capture his heart and make him realize he can’t live without you?  How do you gain his respect and inspire him to honor your expectations and boundaries?

Have you ever heard of the Law of Natural Selection?  It’s the main mechanism of evolution.  It involves the process of having the best biological traits for survival of our species passed on through inheritance… And it depends on women being good choosers.  This mechanism, men chase, women choose is unconsciously instilled in our nature as human beings, similar to DNA, as part of the evolutionary process of our species.

OK, let’s examine this more closely.  Men chase and pursue women they are attracted to.  Women decide if this guy has what it takes for a real relationship.  When women chase, then men become the choosers.  That goes against the laws of nature and women will not win!  In other words, your power lies in allowing him to enjoy being a man… Allow him to work for your love, for your attention and devotion. The more thought and energy required, the more value you have in his eyes.

Don’t give up your interests, your goals, you passion for things other than him, just to make yourself available.  Stop carrying the load, being the one most invested emotionally in the outcome of the relationship.

A man will fall in love and stay in love because of all he does for you… not because of all you do for him.  So, let him provide you with happiness… And of course, appreciate all that he does!

From Gladys’ column in Sibyl Magazine, as published by Sibella Publications  

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