Unless you judge, you can’t weep… you won’t suffer pain or feel abandoned or unneeded in the world.  So be willing to forgive so you can be free.

But after all you’ve been through, how do you find it in you to forgive?  These 3 ideas might make your mind more open:

1-  Understand that forgiveness does not mean excusing someone’s bad behavior.  There may be no excuse for the contempt-filled conduct.  Forgiveness does mean releasing yourself from the power which this unjust behavior still has over you!

2-  Recognize that true forgiveness is the realization that there is nothing to forgive. Something happens and you give it meaning!  What you need to forgive is the meaning you gave to the situation.

As long as you see the person you want to forgive as guilty, then you are still a victim, and you are not yet free.  Forgiveness removes his guilt, and thus heals your perception of being a victim. He’s not guilty… therefore you are not a victim. Then you are truly free!

3-  Grasp that you don’t need to know how you will find it in you to forgive.  All you need is a little willingness to see yourself as something other than a victim… to see yourself thriving again, instead of just surviving!

And if you need more motivation, understand that forgiveness can delete and replace unconscious limiting beliefs which often cause you to see trouble where it is not, or to not see trouble where it is brewing.  Beliefs which can cause you to repeat old patterns, so the same type of guy keeps showing up in a different body, and you keep reliving the same pain no matter who you are with.

So how do you forgive?  Marianne Williamson tells the story of a love affair gone wrong, and the bitterness she was left with. Through clutched teeth and with just a little willingness to see things differently, she repeated for weeks… I forgive you Mike, and I release you to the Divine. 

This worked like a healing balm on Marianne’s emotional turmoil.  It deterred temptation to focus on Mike’s behavior, and kept her focused on her own feelings instead.  A few weeks later, Mike called.  She didn’t want him back, but to her surprise the resentment was gone.

Here’s another means, “I forgive you__________________ for what you did to me consciously and unconsciously.  I accept your forgiveness of me for what I did to you consciously and unconsciously.  Go in peace, as I go in peace.”

Then there’s the ultimate expression of forgiveness.  “I offer you peace and happiness.”  When you can sincerely, silently, say this, then you truly have freedom in your heart… then you are truly free.  

Understand, you can’t give what you don’t have, so your intention to offer peace and happiness creates a vacuum which must be filled.  The result… you suddenly find yourself flooded with peace and happiness so you have it to give!  

 

From Gladys’ column in Sibyl Magazine, as published by Sibella Publications  

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